Words

Glorious

This is what I am when I am happiest, excited some would say- like a child, but I am more, more than that. I am glorious. I can almost see the happiness lift from my hair and fingers, see the sparks as they dance before me, see every light and pale colors come off me. Me smile is brighter than words can say and I try to say it anyway, a fruitless endeavor I know. I am away, away from the terribleness of anxiety and self doubt, things that wish to dim me and fly me away from the world, (fling me into the void). But they cannot for I am on display now, as I am glorious.

Thoughtful

I am thoughtful in a way, I don’t think about others, or the actual meaning of the word thoughtful. I am thoughtful because sometimes all I can do is think and think and think, moving and thinking, and for a while, all I am is moving and thinking, and nothing more.

Exhilarated

Exhilaration is the rush of your blood as you go on an amusement ride, Its when you first kiss someone and can feel them embracing and kissing you back. It’s more than I am, but its something I get to be when I am interested when I am passionate and invested, when I want something, when there is a gleam in my eye and all I can think about is I want it I want it i want it. I pounce like a lion, like a tiger going after my prey, like a solider having gotten the orders to move forward, never stopping always running always going after what I want. I am giving it my all, fierce and dedicated. I am exhilarated.

Preservation

When I am at a stage of ease, when I am calm I am the calm before the storm, my watchful-waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am set in who i am, me, myself and I. waiting and waiting for the worst to come so I can be fierce once again.

I am angry I am loud I am red faced, and upset, crying and crying for all the world to see, shouting at any nearby. I am running and confrontational, I am fighting and backing down, I am yelling back and silent as stone. I am sad, I am angry and as unforgiving as a tsunami, as a hurricane I retaliate, and nothing can stop me but myself. When the storm has ended there is me, sitting, crying, waiting. I am gone far away in dimensions unknown, closed off to the rest of world like the dead- never to return, I am down under never to get up again. Lifelessridgedstonylonelyunresponsiveoverwhelmeddone.

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